#and deeply question what I was doing
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infinitydusktilldawn · 2 years ago
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Very little with so much [excerpt; to be changed] (minor swearing)
"I am right! You were wrong!"
She affectionally rolled her eyes, and hand out the thinnest file to Kim. "A particular chemical found at the site of our father's accident. It's not Cryo-gel, but it is similar." she sat down, reluctantly letting go of the file. The rest of the children also sat down around them.
Bryce was the first to speak up, "What's a guardian?"
Jacob thought back to the video that had been shared, in confidence by Kate the day before. ‘I'm tired of asking for help and being abandoned because of it.’ Even Kate refused to explain about that, which then he understood the damage Bryce had done by cornering her.
Shadow, lifted her leg onto the chair, allowing herself to prop her head up, as a sadness overwhelmed her. "Have to ask the hard questions first, don't you?"
This was a different person they realized, the caution to take a chance, but also the child-like naivety that does not match her age of 21, but of one much younger.
"Kate said that it's hard to say how long you've been awake for." Jacob began, "What did she mean by that?"
"The MDA, my home, is on a 48-hour cycle instead of 24."
"So everyday there, is two days here."
Shadow only nodded. "How long has it been for you, Kate? When I last saw you?"
Kate swallowed, "Seven years, give or take a few months."
Eyes widen, realizing what the true cause of the oldest sister's demeanor. 
‘There was an event, where I butchered any trust with Shadow. It almost broke our relationship. For me it was almost 2 years ago where I gained it back, where she forgave me, but I have to remember, that time for her was practically a few months.’ 
Jacob remembered Kate explaining why she wouldn't reach out on her own or move past from what Shadow prefers. He thought that she just took trust seriously, that the moment someone loses it, it'll take years for that to be gained back. Now, that he starts to have some background on Shadow, how old is his youngest sibling. "How long has it been for you?"
Kate gave him a shallow nod.
He didn't realize he's been looking to her for guidance, turning back to Shadow, she's in her head. Thinking, probably, how much is a good idea to reveal. 
‘I just wanted support; someone I could turn to that wasn't involved!’
"Three, three and a half years? Between all the differences it's hard to be concrete how much time had passed."
Rick released a breath, "How old were you? When it all started?"
"14." she stated after a beat.
"You're not 21, you're barely 17."
"Does that matter?"
"Yes!" Jacob shouted. "You are too young to be in a war, you're not even an adult!"
"What's done is done." Shadow sighed, not even bothering to observe the others. "Can't change anything, even if I tried."
Jacob's fists clenched at his side, trying to reign in the rage. "No, no. You have us, you won't be fighting anymore, we'll take over."
"Absolutely not." 
"You're not an adult!"
Shadow stood instantly, matching Jacob's anger with her own. "And what constitutes as an adult!?" she seethed, tired of the entire ideology that she wasn't old enough to make drastic decisions. "Age doesn't equal experience! If it did Bryce would be the child and you would be the adult! If age would be the requirement to take into account on who stays as leader in my war, it would've ended before it even had the chance to start!"
"What's that…?" Dean whispered, eyeing a blanket of black hovering off her skin.
"Back off that ideology, if you know what's good for you." she sneered, voice dropping as something overlaid her own. "Bluebird."
Kate straightened with the others, "Shadow," she called, noticing the slight black tinge in her own sclera. "Shadow!"
Shadow whipped to her, "What Kate?"
"Breathe." then pointed to her own eye.
Shadow took a deep breath, and released it slowly, sitting down in the process. Dean watched, apprehensive, as the layer of darkness disappeared. "What was that?"
"Nothing." both sisters stated, ending that topic.
"You're correct, it's not cryo-gel. It's not in any database." Bryce called, ending the tense stand-off after the conflict between the siblings.
"Chief is calling in some contacts at the other locations that presented as similar accidents to check their archives for a similar chemical."
"Chief Pitren?" Kim asked, already pulling up information on the man. "Chief Alexander Pitren, 10 years in the police force, and had conducted several successful sting operations. What did he do that he's got your trust?"
"Covered me when the two assholes put a bounty on my head."
"A bounty? Why?"
"I was trying to escape them."
Rick sighed, the others looking confused. "It would be easier if you told us what this is all about."
"Even I'm still lost." Osiris's voice escaped from the computer, "I haven't found anything…anywhere."
"Shadow, come on, they'd help." Kate tried.
"Or just get in the way."
"Jacob is going with anyway, at least for a short time. He'd find out anyway."
"And it'll be his decision to even tell that story." Shadow shifted. "I said I'd consider telling them if they were who you thought they were."
"And I'm right, so tell them."
"Still considering."
"Why?" Bryce asked. "We have the resources to help."
"Who said I wanted help?" she shot back, "As Jacob so elegantly shouted, I'm nothing but a child. How can I trust you take my decisions seriously when you couldn't even trust my word on the status of your identity? 
“I gave you opportunity after opportunity to ignore that I had any inkling of who you possibly could be. Secrets I take to my grave, of which you would have found out eventually if you'd just be patient instead of jumping the gun, because you are too fucking paranoid of not being in control of everything." 
Her eyes kept to Bryce's, who she could tell did not like that little spiel. "I don't blame you in being cautious when we first met, I would've done the same. The difference between you and me? I always give the benefit of doubt, that little ideology of everyone is innocent until proven guilty is what I live by with first meetings. Jumping the gun, because you felt threatened that I'd spill some secret that had nothing to do with me, when it was so obvious, I had secrets as well, should've showed that there was a bigger picture than what could initially be seen."
Clapping sounded behind them, Talon standing at the table with a tray of drinks in hand. "I've heard rumors of a young Guardian whose goal is to protect and avenge while trying to remain inconspicuous and off everyone's radar. A get in and get out mentality with as little damage as possible. It is good to meet you."
"I feel like I'm missing something." she whispered in response.
"Antione McGurdy had been a wonderful friend, he had explained some things about the pride he had in the young Guardian before he'd been killed in combat. Although, I have yet to get an actual report on who or what had killed him."
"McGurdy?"
Kate slammed a hand on the table, "Gurdy Goo!" still catching her sister's confused look, "The older guy who explained the alliance with Rus--Project Bio Storm!"
"That does not narrow it down."
"The guy that pulled you aside when Goran and Raine tried to reinstate the treaty."
"Oh, fuck." Shadow crossed her arms putting her head down on them. "He ripped the two apart, lectured them about proper behavior while telling me how well I did in deflecting during that meeting." her shoulders shook, "The first adult I finally vented to, he's the one that took me to Chief."
"Miss Guardian?"
Shadow picked her head up, which felt like a ten-pound brick, tears slipped down her cheeks. "He had been a victim of Project Paradise Bravo." she sucked in a breath, "The people who explained Bio Storm to me were punished for revealing that to a "civilian" and were part of that event."
"Did he suffer?" the butler asked.
"I--I don't know." the screams of those beasts ricochet in her head, it's not something she can forget. "He--no one were themselves in the end."
"Is he at peace?"
"Everyone who deserves it, is at peace." she whispered, the fight and lecture from earlier drained her, but they weren't done.
"That's all I ask, Guardian of Light."
Shadow whipped to him, not many people know of that title, she smiled, giving him a nod.
"What's the Guardian of Light?" Bryce asked, more towards Talon than a mourning Shadow.
"Perhaps I should explain what I know, then Shadow can explain in more detail, if she chooses to."
"I'm alright with that."
Shadow nodded, "Fine, sure." pulling out her phone.
"The grand Guardian of Light is rumored to be a goddess." Talon began as if showcasing a production of a grand scale. "She is an interdimensional or intergalactic traveler that has the Space-Time Continuum flowing through her veins. A practitioner of magic, her primary job is to protect the balance. Her enemy is the Dark Guardian, who travels through space to find the ultimate power source. Antoine had explained that he is a madman, but while the Guardian of Light was chosen, the Dark Guardian is a bloodline title. He mentioned that there was something special about her, perhaps it was her force to do good. A particular warrior who protects her own, and is willing to what was it…"
"Kill the cause to save the effect." Jacob whispered. 
‘You wouldn't understand that!’
Shadow glowered at Kate, who falsified whistling. There will be words later.
"Yes." Talon nodded, then began to pass out tea, a soft smile given between Shadow and Jacob. "It is because of that; many only see her as a part of the problem. That ability to bring back life if she chose to and take life just as easily. It is a legend, but just as we all know, legends have truth to them."
"So, there is a current war between both of these Guardians?" Bryce turned to look at Shadow, eyes narrowing. "Why hide this from the agency, or at all?"
Talon shook his head, "I believe it's because many who've become a part of the fight, are unaware of the true danger. Antoine had stated, "The war the Guardian leads in not for the faint of heart, those days are never-ending and long lasting. A single confrontation can be mere minutes before you realize it’s been months. It's not the war we've been through, it's a taxing of the spirit, and for that, I wouldn't wish that punishment on my worst enemy." The Guardian of Light has to draw a line between acting and ignoring, and not even the humblest of heroes can’t ignore a cry for help for the greater good."
"Why would anyone ignore a cry for help? How can a warrior of good ignore someone else?" Bryce asked, confused.
"It's a timeline thing, isn't it?" Kim looked to her.
Shadow tilted her head, "You have traveled through time and differential realities." a glow coming from her eyes.
Dean leapt back, "There's a darkness around you. What are you?"
She focused her attention back to him, the glow calming down, "Light refracts, and at the right angle can give an insight on what could be, and the dark helps stabilize the image from being too blinding. Giving details that can change what is seen, little details that can diverge the future from each individuals' actions and choices. Not many can see beyond that." she put the cup down, "You have been gifted the sight of both light and dark, the energy of non-connection, the pure basis of all magic. Due to this gift, you can see the aura that each person gives off, the more that can be seen the more danger they are."
Dean stared, as the glimmer grows and softens, the dark that normally would be center, surrounded her, as if giving him the attention to detail that she speaks off. It's not one color, but three. "Blue, pink, and purple?"
"Without the dark, you'd only be blinded." she easily releases some hold on the energy, "Your gift isn't full proof. Anyone else who is aware of the light and dark that they give off, can hide it." Then picked up the cup again, the energy she's aware of now being tapered off into the ultra-violet spectrum. Dean slowly sat back down. "Can--Can you help me? Understand these abilities."
"I don't know."
"You reveal that you know what abilities he has then just back off?!" Kim snapped, not the only one caught off guard by the change in attention. "Why provide hope for someone you're not going to support?!"
"Why would I help someone who could just become another victim?" she asked back.
Kim, and the others, seemed to settle, thinking about the question.
"They'd be killed in the war." Danielle stated, "If the enemy becomes aware of another, of similar or equal power, who won't join them or fight back, they'd be killed."
"Correct." she sighed, "My choosing of who gets involved is not just for shits and giggles, nor for dramatic effect. I've never once asked for someone to stay, they've stayed on their own, and I have never forced someone to abandon their life to serve me. The people who stay are those that are willing to put their entire existence on the line, to end this madman. The people I choose to not get involved with is because they are potential victims for just knowing me. He will kill them to get to me, and someone of Dean's abilities, just another higher priority target."
"So. you have to choose, if it's even worth it."
"Dean's abilities, are nothing compared to what he can do, not even close to what I can do. He isn't a threat, to either of us, but he can still be killed because it's too similar to a Guardian. People get killed for just knowing me."
"It's why no-one can get any information on her." Kate explained. "The Dark Guardian will no longer attack here, because he believes she has no more existence here. The best way to remain anonymously, is be known as no-one."
"Okay, but that still doesn't explain why you've been avoiding me." Dean stated.
"Magic, is complex, and each world out there has its own strand of how it works. Along with that, each one has its own flavor, some flavors work when mixed together and others don't. Your abilities are just different enough, that the Dark Guardian can taste the difference when there's another confrontation. He will come here, and he will kill you. Nothing can stop him."
"Except you, right?"
"According to prophecies, yes, currently no. I'm still not strong enough to even make dent against him. The only thing I can do is banish him temporarily."
"You said, I'm too close to being a Guardian, what does that mean?" "What is a Guardian?" Bryce tried again.
"Unofficially? A title, given to me in passing by those who truly know what's at stake. Officially, we don't know."
"Are you saying a Guardian is a species?" Osiris sounded flabbergasted. "How does that work?"
"From what we've been able to figure out…which isn't much, yes and no."
"I need to hear this."
"Guardians protect gods, those gods lead to the Grand Creator of the multi-verse. If one were to find the Grand Creator, and absorbed that pure energy, they world become the new creator, and essentially end every life in the current multi-verse for a fresh clean start."
Mouths dropped, and eyes widened at the implications.
"Your war is a literal fight to preserve life?" the choked gasp came from the speakers.
"Yes." she finally stated. "Sounds like a fantasy, doesn't it? Sounds like lies, like a want attention, like I seek out pity." she sighed again, trying to clear her throat. "All I want is to stop fighting, to relax and not figure out if the next person is gonna try to kill me or not. I'm tired, and there are days where I just want to give up, but I can't."
"Why, why you?" Jacob asked, giving in, pulling Shadow into his arms. He may have just met her, but he understood that willpower she's giving everything to keep fighting. He only tightened his arms around her when he felt her grip on his shirt.
"How can we help?" Bryce stood, wanting to go support her, to assure her. Shadow relaxed, "You can't."
"No, we will, just tell us what we need to do."
"You can't!" she pushed away from Jacob, slamming her hands onto the table.
‘I just wanted support from someone not involved!’
Jacob sighed, "Then we won't."
‘Shadow hates it when others get involved. The team she has, have dropped their personal lives for her, she won't ask that of you. We've agreed that she doesn't need support, she wants safety. Some place to be able to call home again. Except everyone she's tried to be for that, has either abandoned her, be a part of this fight, or used her when they've found the extent of who she is.’
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langernameohnebedeutung · 2 months ago
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#I also think american exceptionalism and their bizarre cultural one-way street isolation plays a role#i think it's different if you actually see other countries as equals and see that they have female leaders and realise that it's#not going downhill it's not solving everything it's business as usual and it's just another boring fucking politician#and this makes the gender of the candidate LESS (not saying no) issue people obsess about or feel a need to discuss#(e.g. people laying into the appearance of female politicians? certainly misogyny. making jokes about cooking and shoes? definitely too#but I feel like that was more a 'gotta insult these fucking politicians' and gender being one of the targets when people want to do that)#but if you're the US and giant parts of the populace think they're the specialmost extra complicatedest country in this our planetworld#the fact that it works for so many other countries takes a much lower priority#because 'yeah sure a woman can govern a....'checks notes' Fineland and United Kingdom of England or Germanland'#but the US of freedom? we got a red button and what if she's on her period!!?! We are a REAL country!!'#not to mention how deeply entrenched the idea of the US as being CONSTANTLY under attack is and the president as the PROTECTOR#and that protector needs to be daddy of course#i also think the different attitude to leaders plays a role#because a part of misogyny is how much people love to HATE women - to sink their teeth into them and demonise them for every flaw#so any country that has some kind of weird worship of their leaders or sees them as some heroes or extra-class of person*#in my opinion might have a harder time to elect a woman because the moment a woman becomes a candidate#you just have to find the right flaw to go on and on about to make the population absolutely hate her or question her competency#meanwhile the general slack we cut men means they can do whatever but somehow still be compatible with that concept of leadership#(*not just the US ....though a lot of other countries with similar attitudes to their leaders are not standing out as democracies tbh)
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sidesteppostinghours · 3 months ago
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ok. question.
ortega ended up hallucinating sidestep after they "died", but sidestep doesnt know about that. they know it got bad, but never the full extent of how their death affected them. so if your sidestep Did learn, if they found out ortega looked for them in every little piece they could, would that change anything for your sidesteps? would their relationship with ortega be any different?
#pulp speaks#Am i thinking of my “ortega sees sidestep posthb” fic again? perhaps#shameless plug btw yall should read it its called 'seen' on ao3 and i still like it#but anyway the important bits: ive been thinking about it with my sidesteps and its really interesting to me how different they are#but theyre all some variation of “i didnt know you /cared/”#caine is. uncomfortable with the idea#i genuinely dont know why but i do know that in the end their feelings on the matter are “whats done is done and im back now” with a small#“ill try not to leave again” mixed in#meanwhile cyrus is a deer in headlights over it#itd be way worse if he learned it when they met again- i feel like if he learned ortega was still that attached he wouldve left and never-#-come back. he would still want to Now but hes too tangled in his relationships and ortega is his /friend/ and leaving would just explode i#-his face‚ god Damnit ortega you son of a bitch‚ he shouldve just run. you werent supposed to drag him into caring about people again.#cecilia would have mixed feelings about it. i think shed resonate with it a lot for reasons she doesnt want to face#but it would also hit her like a goddamn Truck that he chose to move on/replace her rather than try get her back and its easier to get mad-#-about that than question her own feelings. but also maybe she could use this to her advantage? maybe this time he knows theres always a-#-chance hell come back for her next time. maybe. shes hoping there wont be a next time.#cynthias an interesting case because shes in love with ortega. deeply. but ortega /never came for her/ when she /promised/ and cynthia-#-is still furious about it#ortega hallucinated her in death but she couldnt put the pieces together and go looking herself? she cared enough to look for her but-#-not enough to save her?#she would still end up settling on bitterness for abandoning her but the information would shake her to her core#anyway. i think ortega should be used as a squeaky toy 👍#caine lynzal#cyrus becker#cecilia rider#cynthia garcia#ortega#sidestep#fhr
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ducktracy · 11 months ago
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compilation of my villagers bullying me. this will be a growing collection. these are all from today alone.
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winteriron-trash · 5 months ago
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rdj the (whitewashed) electric boogaloo
This is a reminder to everyone who's excited about RDJ's casting as Doctor Doom that this casting is whitewashing. Victor Von Doom is a Romani character and has been a Romani character since his introduction in the 1960s. (Fantastic Four Annual #2 [1964]) Not only that, but his Roma identity and the persecution he and his family faced due to it is integral to his character, it is what forms his identity. (Books of Doom by Ed Brubaker) Even if on the off chance this casting is meant to not be Victor but instead be some variant of Tony or whomever else becoming Doctor Doom, it is damaging to the character to rob him of that important cultural background. Doctor Doom does not exist without that history. Fans have been pushing hard to cast Doom as a Romani actor for years, especially since the MCU has whitewashed other Romani characters. (Wanda, Pietro, etc) This casting is not a celebration moment, it's fucking heartbreaking that the MCU repeatedly ignores the important and nuanced cultural backstories of characters.
I know I can't change anybody's mind on whether or not you want to be excited about RDJ's return to the MCU. But I do think at the very least you should be mad that the MCU is baiting us all and destroying nuanced and interesting characters for the sake of self-referential easter eggs and nostalgia bait. Because that's what it is. Feel how you'd like to feel about RDJ's return, but personally, this is soul-sucking. I had such a deep love for the MCU as a teenager, it was obviously something incredibly formative to me, especially Tony Stark. This isn't recreating what I fell in love with the MCU for. This is turning a well-planned and artistic storyline of adaptations into cheap cash grabs and fan service. Because, I think we're past the point of being able to call the MCU an adaptation of anything. They can use existing characters' names and powers, but to say they're being properly adapted is laughable.
This is not an adaptation of Doctor Doom. This is RDJ the Electric Boogaloo because Marvel's fear of losing the interest of dedicated MCU fans overrides their willingness to tell stories that are genuine to the characters. I don't know what there is to be excited about that. The MCU has lost its authenticity and aside from a few projects, feels heartless. Every movie is a copy of a copy. This announcement isn't something celebratory, it feels like a death knell of a cinematic universe that's so desperate to cling to relevancy it's resorting to nostalgia for a character/actor who hasn't even been dead for a decade. We're not getting anything new, we're just rinsing and repeating the same song and dance.
I get it. I love Tony Stark, his death destroyed me and I to this day, rue the ending he got in Endgame. It misunderstood his arc and it robbed him of a satisfying conclusion. But the solution to that isn't dragging the corpse out of the grave five years later to whitewash an existing character with rich and interesting nuance, just to forcibly tie his existence in the MCU to Tony. Whether he is a variant or not. Why would you want someone else's fave's legacy to be destroyed simply so your fave's legacy can go on? Hell, if we were really all so hellbent on the return of RDJ and/or Tony to the MCU, we have the multiverse for a reason. There were other ways to do it that didn't whitewash and ruin someone else. This just. Isn't something to be happy about.
#... we will not be addressing that i'm a dead blog#no one say a WORD about my inactivity for 4 years this isn't about that /lh#also if anyone tries to get smart about “romani isn't a race” i don't care and you can shut up.#it's an ethnic and cultural identity. and it should be portrayed correctly.#ESPECIALLY for a character like *victor von doom* of all people. like it is fundamental to him.#i would've included panels of the comics mentioned but most of them use the g-slur and i don't wish to encourage that here#like listen i don't think you need to be a comics fan to be an mcu fan. they're so divorced from each other atp#nor do i think the mcu owes complete comic accuracy. but i do think you should at *least* care when characters are whitewashed.#look. i really don't want this to be a debate on if rdj's return is good or not#i've been frankly baffled at how many old mutuals are excited but. whatever if you want him back i get it.#but it shouldn't be like this. not at the expense of a different character.#this whole thing made me realize i'm *far* more jaded and turned off to the mcu than most of you guys are.#which is fair you can still be an mcu fan. if it brings you joy i'm so happy for you#but how does this like. bring joy i don't get it.#this is soulless. it's uninspired. it's done purely for shock value.#i occasionally get asks to this blog about why i left and asking me to come back#and i get it. i *want* to come back.#but i don't *care* about the mcu anymore. this is not the franchise i fell in love with.#i don't recognize what once meant everything to me.#winteriron will always hold a special place in my heart (as will tony stark)#but like. i just don't have love for it. and it sucks that this bullshit from marvel actively kills the love i had.#this sours tony stark to me. i'm sorry but it does. because was it really worth this? is this what his legacy has become?#this does cheapen his legacy btw. like without question. it turns him into a cheap cameo reference. heart of the mcu my ass.#my fandom circles have *massively* changed#i'm now entirely surrounded by comics fans bc my primary fandom is dc comics. that's what i'm up to these days#and the difference was actually baffling to me. everyone i follow now is *pissed* about this. comics twitter is so mad.#and then i see ppl on here excited and i'm just genuinely surprised this is something you want. i don't get it.#i don't say that to be rude. i just don't get it. how is *this* actually something people *want*.#do i still care about marvel? eh.#i like winter soldier comics and i could give a comprehensive rec list. and i read some other characters i deeply enjoy.
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soracities · 8 months ago
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People are wild lol rap does actually take a certain level of skill to both perform and understand, it takes five seconds of research to see that theres decent lyricism going on there. Lots of rappers are actually great at english, they dont all know the official terms for the things they practice but rapping is like a form of poetry really.
ofc there are subgenres that i personally do not like such as mumble rap (a conversation for another time i digress) but if you take for example kendrick's latest diss tracks to drake, its something that has to literally be studied and broken down by a bunch of people lol and once you break it down and understand the refrences you see that its not just a bunch of words and a beat. of course white people will think something they dont understand is ghetto trash what else is new lol they're the kings of ostricizing and devaluing what they dont understand. They did it to jazz they did it to metal and alternative music and they do it to rap.
At the end of the day, culture is a thing that will be understood by those who are meant to understand it. You dont have to like rap to acknowledge that its an art, but calling it trash and refusing to see it from any point of view but your own speaks for itself.
And for the record, im not a rap fan lol its a genre i hardly listen to in fact, but what i am is an artist, and i can acknowledge art when i see it.
i'll be honest, i don't think lack of understanding is solely what comes into it, if at all. the genres that get the most aggressive pushback are also ones that threaten a cultural hegdemony in their respective societies (white, male, christian etc) and that's not a coincidence. rap gets the worst of this and ultimately i don't think it has ever boiled down to not knowing what GOAT means and a lot more to do with overt and tacit hostility towards black people making outspoken art on their own terms in a deeply racist society.
but otherwise i completely agree with you! the lyrical complexity, rhyming schemes and dexterity at play in a good rap song is second to none and you could absolutely teach a literature class on it. it is as much a poetic medium as anything else while also encompassing its own deeply layered, complex and distinct sensibilities--just like, literally, every other art form on earth! to pretend otherwise is just ludicrous at this point.
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moongothic · 10 months ago
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kaurwreck · 4 months ago
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have yall ever noticed in osamu dazai's entrance exam that ranpo cuts to the heart of dazai within moments of meeting him, weighs him against the feather in his gaze, decides it neither too heavy nor light, and then says, simply, unfeignedly, deliberately, "Oh, that's nice. Anyway, welcome to the Agency."
and dazai, despite smoothing himself shapeless under ranpo's scrutiny, is rattled, slipping aside his noh mask to self-soothe by asking kunikida about ranpo's skill. because the radio static crackling along his spine can't be the sensation that he's been caught, or ranpo would have renounced or redressed or recoiled from the snake in his home— so it must be no longer human, buzzing and frustrating such and such skill ranpo set on him, and this placidity is a facade to save face. ranpo couldn't have seen what dazai didn't deign to show him, however much the thought briefly excites dazai.
except then kunikida explains that ranpo's skill is to deduce the truth of a case just by looking at it, and dazai is momentarily stunned, the static roaring in his drums as muscle memory swallows piqued yearning and spits bitter incredulity. even if there were a skill that could crack him apart to out the pluck meat that might reassure him he's made of flesh beneath the chitin, there is no exception to his nullification.
even as the blackened grief encroaches like ennui around dazai's edges, ranpo is calling them, promising them the answer they asked for, and no more than that much. he asks dazai for his glasses (the glasses precious to him, typically on his person, but in that moment, somewhere else), and dazai is coaxed by his curiosity and ranpo's beckon.
and because dazai is still a pitiable creature prone to wanting, he leans towards the taunting lure and takes it between his fingers while holding his breath to brace against the certain-to-be-crushing disappointment.
and instead, substantiation brokering little argument. ranpo can deduce the truth by looking at it. and as dazai's own discernment reverse engineers ranpo's conclusion, he finds no fault in it.
dazai's rhapsody enlivens him in the car with Kunikida, the well of him overflowing with the salvific implications that moments prior he was pinned, writhing in place, by someone sincerely seeing him, who was satiated by enough substance to then look away, who wasn't the least surprised to see wriggling, living flesh in the shape of him.
dazai's so beside himself that when kunikida remarks that he's never seen dazai marvel over someone else's skills like that before, dazai scarcely lies to him when he says lots of things take him by surprise, like when he tried to pick up a clam with his chopsticks, and it was still alive, startling him.
kunikida, who also notices more than he's given any credit for, dismisses dazai's third perspective, depersonalized, dehumanized, and disassociated clam metaphor, and says: "You seemed taken aback that someone had the ability to see and know all."
to which dazai responds with the same seamless and subtly mean spirited deflection he tends towards whenever he's suddenly feeling vulnerable.
but yes, he is taken aback. it's worldview shattering, not unlike when chuuya incited him, or oda shrugged at him, or when kunikida would, later, see a lock without any key (a climax without any hope) and create one himself.
ranpo saw him, saw who he'd been, and said, with prejudice: "Anyway, welcome to the Agency."
because I didn't until a couple of weeks ago, but I haven't stopped thinking about it.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd ranpo#bsd dazai#souheki#they communicate via eye contact like cats and kunikida knows they are but he doesnt know what theyre saying#its subtle but then dazai's questions and the sequence of events#makes it like#a very purposeful gesture followed by a purposeful gesture#and dazai is so joyful and thrilled and in awe#and it's because ranpo is amazing!!!!!#but also it's because ranpo saw him. knew what (who?) he was#ranpo's gaze cuts through artifice to the truth of the matter#and dazai is layers and layers of - he feels - put upon artifice (it's not and it sometimes is)#because he's so terrified of someone seeing who (what—) he is and affirming he's as inhuman as he thinks he might be#but ranpo sees him. stares at him for a while. pierces him so deeply that dazai asks kunikida what his skill is.#and then ranpo says welcome. i know what you were. but here you dont need to be anyone but who you are.#and he doesnt need to know more doesnt act intrigued this isnt a plot to unwravel or connections to make#and then he asks dazai to hand him his glasses#because ranpo sees everything#and so in exchange for seeing more than dazai necessarily was comfortable showing#ranpo asks him to hand him his glasses#allows him close#and offers dazai his own vulnerability in a rare pre-guild arc acknowledgment/moment of candor that He Knows He's Not A Skill User#but not only that#it like affirms yes i saw you no it wasnt an illusion or a skill you can nullify#dazai lies and manipulates and nullifies and deflects#but he cant do ANY of that to ranpo — literally or figuratively#ranpo's piercing eyes see the truth of him and dazai can revel in the giddy euphoria that there isnt anything he can do to undermine#the matter of factness in ranpo's acceptance of him. isnt that just a little wonderful?
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axolotlclown · 10 months ago
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I watched Shubble's vod talking about abuse a few days ago and she said something that stuck with me. She told a story where her abuser bit her really hard in front of their friends. She yelped in pain and they laughed.
Men, when we see our friends make jokes about hurting women, don't laugh. Make it uncomfortable. It's not funny. This isn't a joke. You may not think your brothers and friends are abusers, but it doesn't mean that any of this is funny.
I'm certain their friends didn't think there was anything going on behind the scenes, but they should have. I could never even imagine joking about bringing harm to my partner. I'm sure most of them couldn't either. We need to stay vigilant and critical of the ways we carry ourselves around others. What does our laughter signal to the women around us?
My brothers, hurting women is not a joke. Don't laugh.
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ratatatastic · 4 months ago
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"what are you thinking about?" that time in march when forsblad picked each other for the which teammate would you want to cohost a podcast w question
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and ekky was too shy to look at the camera when he professed his love for forsy for the millionth time and that being the reason for his choice meanwhile forsy had absolutely no qualms staring into that thing and going we can talk about fishing :D
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kittykatninja321 · 6 months ago
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I kinda wanna know how Jason’s resurrection and return went down in wfa verse. A wfa-filtered under the red hood would be kinda funny like does he still behead people?
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the-blossica-fan · 3 months ago
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I deadass spent a few minutes trying to answer the question of how i2 Vila's toenail polish stays on even after she's turned her legs into a tail
The answer that appeared thanks to a friend: it is distrubuted to the tail. We think
This has been Ryuusei: answering the questions that literally no one had asked ever 👍
☝️😦
In what situation does this question exist???
I- well, but hey, we got an answer at least. I've got no comment as you have stolen every word I could possibly think of ssying
Thank you, comrade, for answering a probably very important question for someone
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thegreatyin · 24 days ago
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HELL YEAH POWER ENDING SEEKERS ARE MY FAVORITE MR CARDS GENRE i mean they're all my favorite because i legitimately love seeing different people's interpretations of the power ending and the weird fucked up (the fucked up part is important, one must always make their bat fucked up) OCs they make as a result of it. but also i think there's a lot of really fun stuff one can do with a human who deliberately chooses to discard said humanity in order to ascend as a potential replacement for the very figure they're desperately Seeking to learn about and potentially avenge. i'm always kinda surprised it's not more common tbh?? nemesis and BaL just (very very understandably) lend themselves more obviously to seekers i suppose
also that alt strategy is totally valid. it's basically what i pulled with caeru's account all the way back before finishing heart's desire + a not insignificant chunk of evolution. have fun with the dream collecting :)
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carrotsnake · 1 year ago
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the wildly different reactions you get from the yiga outfit show how likely you're familiar with them depending on where you live in hyrule. from merchants who say 'oh, a yiga are you? well i don't discrimate, anyone is welcome to buy from me :)' to the sheikah's 'link! for a second I thought my time was up...that outfit reflects a truly dark period of sheikah history. many of us have lost our lives to them. now change before i skewer you' and then gerudo travellers are like 'we don't talk to STINKY yiga boys. go eat a banana ugly!!'
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fellhellion · 9 months ago
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apologies for yosukeposting and especially incoherently but slowboiling in my brain whatever the hell was going on w him in kanji’s dungeon. guy who slingshots between some kinda fraught observation that this is so much worse for kanji because it’s happening in front of an audience (over like. freaking out about it), furiously asserting that he’s heterosexual, insinuating danger but then also being the one who volunteers to take kanji home afterwards.
It’s sooooooooooooooo.
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#I’m naurt.#conveying it well.#but there’s some kinda something about which elements prickle his unease#exposure to the wider community#the topic of sexuality that falls outside of what is normative being introduced AT ALL#but he’s. not scared of kanji. he never has been tbh#I don’t think he would volunteered to take him home and essentially make sure he got there safely if he was#imo it’s more that like. kanji doesn’t reject the shadow’s assertions where yosuke would#and there isn’t a world in his sixteen (?) year old brain where you SHOULDNT do that lmao#if you’re a guy you like girls and you don’t get hugged when you’re sobbing your heart out etc etc#a guy’s a guy and when that doesn’t mean what he thinks it has to mean anymore that’s deeply uncomfortable for him to unpack#it brings to the forefront his own doubts and insecurities#and kanji accepts that in himself where Yosuke can’t I don’t think#doesn’t question a lot of time and builds his identity around it#but he can’t erase the questions people like kanji and naoto raise because like. it’s intimately relevant to HIM lmao#and it’s how he understands a core part of himself#even if that’s built on sand#congrats! you’ve discovered the patriarchal and heteronormative hegemony!#tunes talks persona#I think it goes largely unspoken and deliberately avoided with him but what kanji wrestles w in regards to conciling his sense of identity#to wider society is like. that’s him too lmao
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4ddi3addie2005 · 1 month ago
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Hit by an inconsolable sadness that I will probably never have an opportunity to appreciate modern Minecraft. To learn the new ways. It has evolved without me and I don’t feel the need to watch 1000 let’s-plays like I did when I was a kid.
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